


Roses in Winter

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, How to be a person, Multi, Recovery, Red Room, Slow Burn, child abuse tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-19 20:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5980267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natalia starts off as a machine. Then, Agent Romanoff is an asset. Finally, Natasha is a person. </p>
<p>Love in all its forms isn't so wrong after all.</p>
<p>(An exploration of Natasha's journey from the Red Room until the present, and the relationships with her important people)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Blackhill will happen eventually! Maria won't be in this story for a while, though, since I am starting out in the Red Room with Natasha, Yelena, and James. The romance might not be the center of the story, either - I want to write about all of Natasha's important people, not just her romantic partners.

Red Room girls do not make friends, but Natalia considers Yelena Belova her best rival. They sneak time away together, but their rationale is that getting to know the other girl deeply will make them more aware of the other’s weaknesses. When they are pitted against each other in a fight, they fight until they collapse from exhaustion, and neither is killed. So far, it has given the impression that they are exactly evenly matched, both of them the pride of the Red Room.

Natalia will never say it out loud, but she does not want to kill Yelena.

She supposes that must be her greatest weakness, since she appears to excel in every other aspect of the Red Room. She is brutal, efficient, and incredibly accurate with her aim, but her thoughts concerning Yelena are a problem. She tries to convince herself it is a small problem to have, though. On a real mission, Yelena would be an ally, and she would never have to kill her. She is confident that she can kill anyone else with ease.

Natalia is paranoid that the instructors have noticed that she spends all her limited free time with Yelena, but she tries her best to rationalize it to herself. If they question her, she will tell them she was trying to learn Yelena’s weaknesses, and that was all that was happening. It’s technically their fault, even. They were the ones who assigned Yelena to sleep in the bed next to Natalia’s, so of course they were going to speak to each other.

“We’re doing nothing wrong, Natalia. Stop looking like that,” Yelena says, and Natalia comes back to reality. She and Yelena have a little time before dinner today, and they are sitting on their beds, waiting to be called to the cafeteria. The fact that they are having a conversation is just happenstance. 

“I don’t look guilty. I’m just waiting.” Natalia hated that Yelena could read her so well. It should make her uncomfortable that Yelena knew her back to front, and vice versa, but for some bizarre reason, she wanted the other girl’s company anyway.  _ You’re not allowed to want things, _ her mind reminds her, and she shoves the thought away.  _ I don’t want her company. It’s just natural that two prodigies would spend time together, and learn from each other.  _

“I’ve been hearing rumors,” Yelena says. She’s always been less afraid of talking than Natalia, and Natalia is frankly surprised her loud mouth hasn’t gotten her killed yet. “They are bringing in a soldier who is part machine, and he will train us. But I am told he will train only the best. I hope that means us. It would be a great honor.” That gets Natalia’s attention, and she considers this. It might only be a rumor, though.

“It would. All the more reason for us to train even harder.” Natalia wonders if one day, she’ll be forced to kill Yelena. They have let the two of them fight until a stalemate, but they have never demanded they break each other’s necks. She hopes it’s because they can’t afford to lose their two greatest assets. There’s a silence, and Yelena speaks again.

“Sit next to me at dinner?” Her voice is much quieter now, but Natalia wonders if the people in charge can still hear it. She’s just assumed by default that what she says out loud is always heard, and she has a hunch they are aware of what she thinks, too. Yelena’s question gives her pause. The immature, unrefined part of her wants to say yes. But she will be a Black Widow, and Black Widows aren’t allowed to want things. 

She is not a Black Widow yet, though.

“Okay.” Her voice is barely a whisper, and the smile Yelena gives her is just as faint. Still, it’s a genuine smile, something that’s rare in the Red Room. Yelena’s smiles are one of the few things Natalia knows are only for her, and although it makes her feel incredibly selfish and defective, she craves them anyway.  _ I’ll grow out of this when I graduate.  _

They don’t speak at dinner, but Yelena’s presence beside her makes dinner just a little better. She hopes the Red Room can’t read her thoughts, because if she continues on this trajectory, her thoughts will be incredibly damning. As long as she keeps how much she likes Yelena - no, values the opportunity to know Yelena’s weaknesses - inside her head, no one has to know. 

When they return to their dormitory, Natalia risks a small smile in return, when she is 99% positive no one else is looking. Yelena’s face brightens a little for a moment, and that almost makes the handcuffs a little less painful that night.

Almost. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Natalia and Yelena are both eighteen now, and they both know their graduation will be within the next few years. In the meantime, their training has intensified, and the handlers have begun to push them against each other. Only one Widow will be  _ the _ Black Widow, they say. Only one will be remembered in history, not two.

Natalia’s relationship with Yelena is chaotic now, and it goes in cycles. They are almost friendly, and share secret moments together, until Yelena gets taken away for private training sessions. When she returns, she is hostile and cruel, treating Natalia as nothing but a rival. Which is what they should be, anyway. Natalia tells herself not to expect anything else. People care for each other, but neither Natalia nor Yelena counts as a person. They both know this. 

A small voice inside Natalia tells her that they are poisoning Yelena against her on purpose, and that this is not like Yelena. But she squashes the voice. She knows this is part of growing up, and if she is to achieve her full potential, she will have to do it alone. Even though watching Yelena transform hurts her, it’s good practice. She will have to endure much worse on missions. 

It’s been a while since Yelena’s last private session, though, so the past few days, she has been almost friendly. Natalia sees something in Yelena’s face sometimes, something that says  _ I don’t want to do this, help me.  _ It comes and goes, and Natalia imagines that Yelena is forcing herself to overcome it, for the sake of her potential. Both of them know they were made to do this, and even if it is painful now, it will be worth it in the end. 

Natalia finds herself sharing her off time with Yelena again, and some small, twisted part of her wishes she could ease whatever pain Yelena is feeling. It’s a very jarring feeling, and doesn’t fit with everything else she has experienced in her life so far. Compassion is a weakness, and she knows this. So she keeps it to herself, hoping the defect will fade with time. 

“I hope I will get private training sessions soon, too,” Natalia says, although she means the opposite. She doesn’t know what happens to Yelena in there, and she’s torn between morbid curiosity and dread. Yelena looks a little smug, pleased to have beaten Natalia in something for now.

“Maybe. If you are good enough. But that’s up to those in charge.” There’s a sort of desperate tiredness behind Yelena’s smug smirk, and Natalia feels a little pang of sympathy, despite herself. 

“I am doing my best,” Natalia says, struggling to figure out something to one-up Yelena with. “They tell me I excel in seduction.” Yelena raises an eyebrow, indicating faint interest, but Natalia hopes she struck a nerve.  _ Why do I want to hurt her? I shouldn’t want to hurt her. No - I shouldn’t care if she’s hurting. I shouldn’t be thinking this at all.  _

“I suppose that is a necessary skill,” Yelena says, looking a little grumpy now. Yelena has always excelled in the more combat-related parts of being a Widow, and Natalia knows she hates anything involving interpersonal skills. She is adequate, but Natalia does not believe she excels.

“They taught me how to kiss properly,” Natalia says, not sure why the words are coming out of her mouth. Yelena looks jealous now. Then, Natalia puts her foot in her mouth.

“I could teach you, if they haven’t taught you yet.” 

Yelena’s eyebrows skyrocket, and Natalia sees her cheeks tinge faintly pink. It makes her feel...something. Something she can’t identify. 

“Your loss. You’re only helping me move past you,” Yelena says, and Natalia very nearly says she doesn’t care about any of that, doesn’t care about where they are ranked. For some bizarre, inexplicable reason, she wants to kiss Yelena. 

“That’s up to our superiors. We don’t really know what they’re talking about behind closed doors,” Natalia says. Her face is close to Yelena’s now, and Natalia doesn’t think she’s ever been so near to another human being without the context of combat.

“Teach me, then. I need everything I can to defeat you.” Yelena’s voice is a whisper, and both of their faces are red. 

When Natalia kisses her, it only lasts a few seconds, and she’s surprised by how gentle she wants to be. Nothing in her wants to hurt Yelena in any way, and she doesn’t understand where that is coming from. The kiss breaks all too soon, leaving both of them breathless. The defect within Natalia doesn’t seem to be going away, but  _ god _ , does she want to do that again.

They don’t get the chance, that night. Their superiors return, and they are both sent to bed. Natalia wonders how near of a miss it was, and decides she’s going to try not to think about it. In the middle of the night, though, their non handcuffed hands find each other, just for a few minutes. Natalia holds Yelena’s hand like a lifeline, until the night patrol enters the room and they are forced to let go. 

Something is happening, and she doesn’t know what it is. 

Natalia and Yelena begin a dangerous habit of sneaking kisses and holding hands, but only when they are absolutely sure no one is looking. Natalia almost enjoys the thrill of possibly getting caught, but not quite. Neither she nor Yelena actually talk about what’s happening, but it seems to be unsaid that this is just something they do. 

Yelena seems less hostile after her training sessions, but more conflicted. She won’t speak to Natalia about what goes on in them, and Natalia just tries to continue their routine, hoping it will help a little. She doesn’t seem to be unable to  _ not _ want to help Yelena, and she’s given up trying to prevent it. If she excels in everything else, surely they will overlook this. She hopes they will, at least.

Then, the Soldier arrives, and everything changes. 


End file.
